all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
