your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
