think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
