Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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