Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
