who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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