question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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