This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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