worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
