Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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