I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
