You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
