Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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