Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize