Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she told me i tasted like america
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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