Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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