you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize