Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
foreskin is a definite game changer
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
