even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
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He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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