im having a threesome with these popsicles
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
