hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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