don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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