I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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