could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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