I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
