i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
