We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
