Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
