I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
