well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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