i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
