Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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