he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
