I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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