dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
