I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize