he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
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You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
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Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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