i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
