Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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