you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
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I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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