did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
