totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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