Sry I called you an 8
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
