i think i have two assholes
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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