Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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