one might say we're banned from that church
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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