You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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