AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
