Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
