I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
