so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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