The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize