does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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