Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
