I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
