K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
