I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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