Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
