we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
