I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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