Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
