Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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