She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
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I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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