I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
